What’s the deal when kid’s reach two? Many parents are ready to go crazy when their kids reach this age… and it continues for about a year to a year and a half.
Parents of younger infants are comforted into a sense of comfort and ease when their son or daughter reaches about 6 months. By this time infants are usually sleeping well through the night, able to sit in a high chair, can amuse themselves with play and are enthralled with mom and dad’s gaze and smile. To many, parenting at this stage appears easy and there is no way of appreciating just what lies ahead.
By 24 months however, toddlers may be bored with static toys, they are generally rather mobile – able to walk at a steady pace for several steps and highly curious. Herein lies the set-up for the terrible twos, unless equipped.
Two-year-olds have this remarkably inquisitive mind, but unquestionably, no knowledge from prior learning to comprehend “safe or harmful”, “good or bad”, “right or wrong”. As such, they simply set out to discover the world, as it is available to them. Until they learn or experience otherwise, all things are neutral. Objects have no core value and are not yet known for triggering either pleasure or pain. It’s only when the child experiences the object first hand, can they decide its worth. Value to the two-year-old is usually a meaning of the pleasure an object can bring to the child. Pleasure is derivative from touch, taste, sight, sound and scent. Some things are pleasant and “fun”, while others offer neither enjoyment nor any actual pleasure. Other items, like the taste of a sour lemon, may cause discontentment and children soon learn to avoid these.
Knowing this about normal childhood growth and development, the test facing parents is to pre-empt undesirable outcomes from their child’s exploration and learning, while taking advantage of the opportunity for positive consequences. To reduce hindrance and maximize the opportunity for your child’s learning and pleasure consider the following:
1. By this stage of life, if you haven’t already baby-proofed the home, do so. It is sensible to put away the elegant glass and china that decorates the coffee table, have safety latches on cupboard doors and gates on the stairs. Your child will discover and this is normal and healthy, so get on your knees, look at your home from your child’s point of view and fix anything that can cause harm. You will be more stress-free if you are less concerned about household safety risks.
2. Telling a two-year-old what not to do, doesn’t mean they will know what to do. As such, they may stop doing what you have told them, but may go on to another equally alarming activity. It is rational to tell a child to stop doing something, but not adequate. Every time you tell a child what not to do, follow it up by conveying to the child what they can do and be specific. So if you say, “Go play”, this gives the child permission to do almost anything, whereas if you tell the child, “You can play with the blocks or the dolls”, this more unmistakably guides the child to appropriate activities.
3. Children do need to learn safe from harmful, right and wrong, good and bad. When your child does do something you consider to be inappropriate, tell them so in a firm voice. However, don’t stop there. Next direct them to other appropriate activities and soon after let them know how they are playing well.
4. Self-esteem grows more the child advances in the mastery over their environment and self. While some areas may be off-limits, other areas should be regulated to allow exploration and play. A lower drawer in the kitchen filled with plastic bowls and utensils offers the child a safe and inviting area to learn and have fun. Consider what other places and activities are suitable for your child and make them available.
So often parents of two-year-olds feel like all they say is “No”. Use the above suggestions and you may find yourself saying “Yes” more often and those “terrible twos” may just be a little easier. By the time your child is 42 to 48 months, they will have learned much and will better understand what is safe or unsafe, right or wrong. It will be easier.
Try these suggestions and be patient!
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